5 Reasons Gene Simmons’ application to trademark the “metal horns” hand sign is bullshit

As you may no doubt have heard, KISS bassist Gene Simmons has lodged a trademark application for the Metal Horns hand gesture.

Good luck with that, mate. The “metal horns” hand gesture has been around far longer than Simmons himself has been in adulthood, and will continue long after he has shuffled loose the mortal coil. Before metal even existed, the metal horns held an entirely different meaning.

#1. The “metal horns” gesture is the gesture of the Horned God in Wicca

Cernunnos is the Celtic horned god, the equivalent of the Greek god Pan, and is the Horned God in Wicca:

The sign of the horns is the gesture of the Horned God in Wicca (refer to Wicca: A Guide For The Solitary Practitioner by Scott Cunningham, p. 42).

As an aside, here’s the Church of Satan founder Anton La Vey throwing the horns:

It should be noted that Wicca was founded in 1954 by Gerald Gardner and the Church of Satan was founded in San Francisco, United States on 30 April 1966, putting Simmons at age 5 at the time Wicca was founded, and age 16 when the Church of Satan was founded.

#2. The horns hand sign was/is used in Italian and other folklore to ward off the evil eye

In the documentary Metal: A Headbanger’s Journey, Ronnie James Dio stated that his use of the horns on stage came from seeing his Italian grandmother use it, and explained that it was used to ward off malocchio (Evil Eye).

#3. The first known use of the horns gesture in rock/metal was by the band Coven

Here’s the cover artwork for Coven’s 1969 album, Witchcraft Destroys Minds and Reaps Souls:

 

The Beatles threw up the horns on the cover of the album Yellow Submarine, but they’re essentially a pop band, so I’m ignoring them. In any event, here’s a promo shot for that album:

Sorry Gene, you can’t claim that you used it first.

#4 Ronnie James Dio popularised the metal horns

Now you do.

Dio began using the sign of the horns shortly after joining Black Sabbath in 1979.

#5. The horns gesture means “I love you” in American sign language

 

So with all due respect Mr Simmons, take your trademark application and shove it where the sun don’t shine. While we’re on the subject of hand gestures, I salute you while I chug down this sweet, sweet caffeinated beverage:

Going back to my roots, with the help of my DNA

There are several services available to get a DNA test done to find your ancestry, the biggest being AncestryDNA and 23 and Me. There’s a lot of hoo-haa surrounding these companies, particularly AncestryDNA, with talk about them having more rights over your DNA than you do. I used AncestryDNA, and all the claims surrounding them selling your genetic info etc is bullshit. They can forward your DNA sample for genetic research etc – but they can only do so with your consent. You can withdraw your consent at any time. Their most recent terms and conditions as at the date of this blog can be found here.

Anyhow, this is about my journey. Let’s begin with a song:

 

If that’s a bit too heavy for your liking, here’s an alternative:

Anyway, what do I know about my background? Not much. What I do know, is that my mother migrated to Australia from New Zealand – and one of her ancestors from her father’s side, arrived in Australia on the First Fleet. My father was born in Australia to a Latvian father and an Australian-born mother. I was always close to my mother’s side, and to my dad’s siblings and my cousins on Dad’s side, but I never met my paternal grandparents. That’s a story for another day.

With my red hair and blue eyes, I often get asked if I’m Irish or Scottish – and all I can do is shrug my shoulders with a sheepish “I dunno” in response.

Based on what I know, I would expect my results to be in this vicinity:

Anywhere outside the yellow highlight is going to be a big surprise. In any event, I look forward to receiving my results.

The test itself was relatively simple. You activated your kit via the website, and enter the serial number on the tube, so they can link you to the sample. Follow the prompts, and it eventually takes you to this page:

All voluntary. You do not have to participate if you don’t want to. It won’t compromise access to your results.

Once you activate, spit in the tube:

 

and make sure it’s filled to the line.

Seal the tube with the cap containing the stabilising solution, shake it, seal it in the bag and pop it in the post.

You have to wait at least 30 minutes after your last morsel of food, sip of a drink, a ciggie (if you’re a smoker) or after disposing of that last wad of chewing gum before you can spit in the tube. I waited more than 30 minutes before I spat in that tube, and now it’s all over and done with, I have earned this cuppa goddammit…

Sweet, sweet caffeine. Nectar of the gods!

It’s a 6-8 week wait for the results, so I probably won’t be publishing a follow-up post until at least August. So until then, I’ll leave you with another song:

 

A Witchy morning tea with Mystical Dragon

Melbourne-based New Age store Mystical Dragon runs an annual Biggest Morning Tea fundraiser for the Cancer Council of Australia. This year, my friends at House of Hexenn ran a stall at the event, so I made the journey from the northern suburbs to Seaford to support them. It was a cold May morning but the day was beautiful, with sunshine and a clear blue sky. After spending the day among like-minded people and enjoying what was on offer, I will no doubt become part of the furniture at future Mystical Dragon’s Biggest Morning Tea events.

The Mystical Dragon Biggest Morning Tea is a family-friendly event, so if you don’t like kids, consider yourself warned. If you’ve got children and have been looking for a kid-friendly witchy outing, I highly recommend next year’s event. Keep an eye out on their Facebook page here and their website here. They regularly run other social events including the Beltane Ball, and they run workshops, seminars and courses for many disciplines in the realm of the magickal.

The stalls that were part of the event this year may or may not run a stall again next year, but this year’s stalls will give you a basic idea of what to expect.

House of Hexenn

House of Hexenn are the go-to store for hand-crafted Books of Shadows, athames and other ritual tools, magickal herbs and resins, incenses and other tools of the magickal trade. I bought their Florida Water spray, which is great for clearing out old energy from your ritual space and a good auric cleanser.

You can check out House of Hexenn’s Facebook page here.

Reflexology

Reflexology is an alternative therapy involving application of pressure to the feet with specific thumb, finger, and hand techniques. I gave it a go, and was walking around the venue afterwards in absolute bliss.

The reflexologist is Amanda Barnett Wood and she is a professional member of the Reflexology Association of Australia. I totally recommend.

Essence of Life Spirit Art

Laura Floyd has been doing her art for many years, and regularly has her stall at Mystical Dragon’s Biggest Morning Tea. I watched her draw several works of spirit art before I began to feel compelled to get one done for myself, but resisted – then I finally relented and sat down with Laura and got an artwork done. Here is the result:

It was worth every cent. You can check out her Facebook page here.

Abby Moon

Abby Moon sell some beautiful jewellery, as well as fragrant oils and essential oil blends. This particular item of jewellery caught my eye:

A rule of thumb with magickal/ritual jewellery: the jewellery chooses you, not the other way around. If you are drawn to a particular item, something “jumps” at you or otherwise catches your eye, that’s the one for you. Sometimes you won’t immediately know its purpose, but that will reveal itself in time.

Abby Moon’s website: www.abbymoon.com.au

There were also aura photography/chakra scan services, healers, oracle card readers and tarot card readers. I cannot comment on the healing services or card readers, as I did not get a card reading done.

In all, it was a great day with great people, but I sure wished I got into one of the free seminars that were on offer in the afternoon! Oh well, next time!

A day in the life of a legal secretary

It’s about bloody time I wrote about something relating to my day job. I am a legal secretary and have been since 1998, predominantly in conveyancing. I was studying conveyancing in New South Wales, then the Global Financial Crisis happened in 2008 – and I moved to Melbourne from Sydney shortly thereafter. I continue to work in conveyancing, and will probably eventually get my arse into gear and become a licensed conveyancer (which I keep being told because I have the mindset for it), even though working in other fields of law have their merits.

First things first, let’s get this disclaimer in – this blog post should not be taken as legal advice, if you need to get legal advice on a contract of sale of land, take it to a licensed conveyancer or a lawyer that does a lot of conveyancing work. However, I have seen a lot of things that, from even a secretary’s viewpoint, is a no-brainer. For instance…

#1. Never rely on representations made by a real estate agent

Look, the job of the real estate agent is to market the property for sale, and get the best price for the vendor. The only thing they’re really concerned about is their commission after settlement of the sale, so they’ll tell you anything to get you to sign on that dotted line (within the confines of the law, of course). They may seduce you with buzzwords like “renovator’s dream”, but in one particular file I worked on a few years ago, the “renovator’s dream” turned out to be “asbestos in the garage”. The reason the client found out about the asbestos in the garage was that they got themselves a pre-purchase building report, which not only revealed the presence of asbestos, but also provided an estimate of the cost associated with its removal (as the client intended on carrying out extensive renovations after settlement). This provided an advantage to the client in negotiating a purchase price, and was able to get a reduction on the original asking price. Building reports can also report on pests such as termites and borers. They do attract a fee, but it’s a small price to pay, especially if the report reveals something that would otherwise cost you dearly later down the track.

Oh, and another thing – any real estate agent worth his/her salt will let you take a copy of the contract for a lawyer to go over and advise you on before you sign. If a real estate agent starts putting on the pressure to sign up, tell them to jump in the lake. You’re entitled to get legal advice on a contract before signing.

I worked on several off-the-plan purchase files a few years back. Most of the existing clientele had signed their contracts about a year or two before I started working at that particular firm, and settlement had been triggered about three years after the contract was first signed. When you’re buying “Off-the-plan”, it essentially means that you’re agreeing to buy a property (usually an apartment, but it can also be a house and land package in a new subdivision) that has not yet been brought into existence.

The common complaints that we got were the banks whose valuations returned at a much lower value than the contract price, clients who could no longer proceed with the purchase because of change in circumstances (for instance, losing their job), and banks refusing to provide finance because the finished property was smaller than the minimum size they would approve for loans on apartments (and in all those cases, the clients signed up before we saw the contracts). These are the risks you have to consider when contemplating buying off-the-plan – make sure you read through the contract with a fine-tooth comb and flag anything that either worries you or you don’t understand, so that your lawyer or conveyancer can explain it to you.

A good example of the worst case scenario in developments where apartments had been sold off-the-plan, is the Verge Apartments saga in Melbourne’s Southbank precinct.

#2. Do your due diligence

Make sure you explain to your conveyancer or lawyer your intents and purpose of the purchase – e.g. new home, upsizing, downsizing, investment, and whether you intend on doing any renovations or extensions to the property after settlement. One story one of my TAFE lecturers told during my conveyancing course was the man who bought a terrace house in an inner suburb of Sydney. His property had an easement for a party wall, of which his property had the burden. He paid no heed to that easement, demolished the terrace house then had to install beams against the party wall to stop the adjoining property from collapsing. (He may or may not have done his own conveyancing, giving some credence to the saying “he who pleads his own case has a fool for a client”).

You also need to consider council rates, water rates and strata levies, because you’ll need to pay those on top of your mortgage repayments.  In Victoria, a Due Diligence Checklist is required to be provided to potential buyers of residential property, and in all property transactions in Victoria, vendors and purchasers must undergo Verification of Identity. You need to satisfy yourself as to being able to pay your rates on time and your mortgage repayments.

It is standard conveyancing practice to conduct searches on the property by obtaining property certificates from various government authorities, the core searches being for council rates, water rates, land tax and, if applicable, Owners Corporation certificates. Depending on what state you live in, the other required property certificates can vary, depending on the extent of the vendor’s statutory duty of disclosure in your state. The last thing you want is to buy a property, only to have it acquired a year later by a government department for a road widening project, for example. When I was still living in New South Wales, it was standard to serve “Requisitions on Title” to the vendor’s representative. These were essentially questions about the property, e.g. whether any notices had been served on the vendor from a government authority, and were usually answered with “Not so far as the Vendor is aware. Purchaser should rely on own inquiries.”

You should obtain advice from your accountant in relation to land tax and/or capital gains tax liability.

#3. Explaining the rates adjustments

After you’ve done your due diligence and signed your mortgage paperwork and the bank is ready, you should be ready to go. A week or so before settlement, all rates will be adjusted on a pro rata basis. It is standard procedure to treat the rates as though they’re paid, then draw a cheque for payment of any outstanding balance. If I had a dollar for every time a client read the Statement of Adjustments then decried, “But why am I paying for the vendor’s rates?!”, I’d be able to retire at 40 and live in a mansion in Toorak, unencumbered.

Especially if you’re moving into the place, the last thing you want to worry about is getting the rates paid, because moving house is damn stressful. If you’re still worried that you’re paying the Vendor’s rates, okay, hear me out.

The period for land rates follows the financial year (1 July 2016-30 June 2017) but allow for payment by quarterly instalments, Land tax follows the calendar year and water rates and strata levies are quarterly. Now, we’ll use land rates for our example.

Say the land rates on your property is $920 for the rating period (i.e. the financial year). Let’s say that your settlement is on… (let’s pull a random date from a hat…) 13 April. The rates will be adjusted so that you cover the period from 13 April to 30 June. That’s 78 days out of 365 (or 366 if it’s a leap year).

To calculate the pro rata figure, ($920÷365) x 78  = $196.60. So that $196.60 gets added to the balance of the purchase price. Now, let’s complicate things. Say the Vendor was falling behind on the rates, and the council had started adding on interest. The conveyancing secretary will be calling the council, water and body corporate authorities for an update on the rates. This is to find out if the vendor had paid any rates since the certificates were obtained, or if additional interest is payable since the certificate was issued. Let’s say the total amount payable to the council, after allowing for interest and council’s fees on the default, is $1,010.00. You’re still putting in your $196.60 – the rest is coming off the amount that would otherwise have gone into the Vendor’s pocket, had he or she paid the rates on time. The same principle applies to calculating the adjustments on the other rates.

More often than not, there will be a mortgage registered on the title. The Vendor will make an allowance for the registration fee to discharge the mortgage on the title, by deducting it from the balance of the purchase price.

Oh yes, I did say that working in other fields of law has its merits, didn’t I?

#4. The art of storytelling is an essential skill in the legal profession

I type Affidavits and prepare other court documents in between calculating settlement figures and preparing retail leases and contracts of sale of land. In an Affidavit, the deponent is essentially telling their story, the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God/Goddess/Allah/Flying Spaghetti Monster.  For instance, in an initiating application in a family law matter, the Applicant tells his/her story in his/her supporting affidavit. Then the Respondent files their response, and a supporting affidavit telling their side of the story. Every file tells a story.

 

 

A little story to share for Harmony Day

With Benjamin Law starting the hashtag #FreedomOfSpeech on Twitter today, my little story to share for Harmony Day is too long to fit in a tweet, so I’ll share it here.

First, here’s Benjamin’s original tweet:

To celebrate the Coalition tampering with the RDA on #HarmonyDay, let's share stories of racism with hashtag #FreedomOfSpeech. I'll start.

— Benjamin Law (@mrbenjaminlaw) March 21, 2017

And now on to my story.

It was in approximately September/October 2011, and I was in a bar with my now-ex fiance and his best friend  (the dynamic of their friendship was more like that of master/servant, with my ex obeying his friend’s every beck and call without question – it was this incident where their masks began to fall off and I saw them for what they really were. Yes, I was in an abusive relationship – abusive in terms of mind games and gaslighting.) On the other side of the bar, was a man of African descent, seated with an Anglo-Celt woman. I thought nothing of it until the ex’s friend leaned over the table, pointing at the woman with rabid vitriol, and scowled: “look at that whore. Race traitor.”

I was too shocked to respond. Then, the man stood up and walked past our table, oblivious to our presence, towards the restrooms. The ex’s mate then panicked, and said, “Did he just hear what I said? He heard it. Let’s get out of here.” My ex just said “Yep” as though to agree, then I was hauled out in tow. Thinking back to that night, I was laughing about the mate’s hasty exit from the pub, despite all his grandstanding posturing, with or without any of the litany of knives, swords etc that he owns, when we visited him at his home. All bark and no bite.

Let’s help keep young Wiccans and Pagans safe in our circles

Convicted paedophile Robin Fletcher has hit the headlines in recent days, with a judge recently handing down a decision to revoke a supervision order against him and the subsequent appeal against its revocation by the Department of Justice. What makes this case even more remarkably horrifying is that Fletcher is justifying his behaviour as being part of his “Wiccan” beliefs. To date, the appeal is pending.

The Pagan Collective of Victoria have released a statement, with several prominent figures in the Pagan community declaring no affiliation with Fletcher and condemning his actions. Pagans across Australia have also expressed their concern over his pending release. For the record, I have never met Fletcher, nor do I want to. The guy is scum, and he is not representative of the Wiccan/Pagan community.

Fletcher is a lot of things, but a Wiccan he ain’t, despite his assertions to the contrary. First of all, he has broken the Wiccan Rede, an it harm none, do what thou wilt. He manipulated his victims in order to facilitate his crimes, and in doing so, interfered with his victims’ free will (interfering with another person’s free will is also a huge no-no in Wicca). Let’s put it this way, Fletcher is to Wicca what the Westboro Baptist Church is to Christianity and ISIS is to Islam. He is twisting the interpretation of a religion and using it as an excuse for his actions.

Wicca is certainly more liberal in matters concerning nudity, sex and sexuality, but consent is paramount. Whether or not the witch works skyclad (the witches’ term for naked) during ritual work in the privacy of their own home is their own business. There are dickheads in any group, and unfortunately, Wicca has its fair share too. Trust your instincts. If you have recently started working with a group, building a mutual trust, only for a member of the group trying to pressure you into doing anything you’re not comfortable with, speak up. Anyone worth their salt will respect your boundaries. If they disregard your concerns, give them the flick and find another group. No one should be pressuring you into doing something you’re not comfortable with. If they start harassing or intimidating you (or worse, physically harm you), go to the police. No group is worth the trouble. You may have seen the movie The Craft? The scene where Nancy threatens Sarah with bad things happening to her should she leave their coven? Prime example of unacceptable behaviour. You should be free to leave any group if you no longer feel comfortable with the direction the group takes, or if you feel you’ve outgrown it. If you are a member of a group and someone leaves, it’s okay to let them go. If you took an oath not to divulge any details of ritual workings within the group, be sure to keep your oath, but if any of those “workings” broke the law (for instance, sexual assault or aggravated animal cruelty), report it. No one should be able to conceal their crimes under the guise of an oath.

Just in case you’re a young person who’s only just discovered Wicca and your parents are probably worried that you might become a victim of someone like Fletcher, here is just a basic outline of what you’ll find in the pagan community.

Public rituals – As the term suggests, public rituals are conducted on public land (in a park, for instance) and generally family-friendly. Anyone can attend, but there is a general requirement for minors to be accompanied by a parent or guardian. Casual clothing is fine, although you’ll find a plethora of hooded capes and robes – just make sure you wear comfortable shoes, because you’ll likely spend a majority of the time on your feet. Alcohol is forbidden at public rituals due to liquor licensing laws and laws against consuming alcohol in a public place. Juice and cookies are usually on offer after ritual for “grounding”, brought in by either the organisers or other attendees, or both. If there is a donation jar, it is prudent to offer a donation, preferably gold coin, to help the organisers cover the costs for the food and for ritual items used, such as incense and candles.

If anyone in attendance at a public ritual behaves inappropriately towards you, speak up. The organisers can tell the offender to leave, or call the police if needed.

Private covens – private covens usually meet in a private residence or other private venue by arrangement. Unlike public rituals, private rituals run by covens may be more in-depth, hence an oath of silence. All covens require new members to undergo initiation rites to varying degrees. Some covens may have age restrictions, or at the very least will require parental consent from minors. They may also have various prerequisites that must be met before being initiated. They want to make sure that you will be a good fit in their group, and that your joining them will enhance not only your own workings, but the overall workings of the group as a whole. Be patient, if there is a group that you really want to work with, they will grant you admission. I am an initiated member of a ceremonial magick group, and it took a good nine months before I was initiated into that group.

Workshops – New Age/occult retail outlets such as the Esoteric Bookshop in Vermont, Victoria, and The Modern Witch based in Sydney, regularly run workshops in relation to all things witchy. Some organisers will have regulars that attend several workshops through the course of the year.

Social gatherings – There are social gatherings for young and old alike, organised by various pagan and Wiccan community groups. If you are at least 18 years of age, there are Pagans in the Pub meetups in various cities across Australia. (If the venue is at a pub where minors are permitted if accompanied by a parent or guardian, and you can get your dear ole’ Mum or Dad to tag along, all the better.) A Google search of “Pagans in the Pub” with your city should point you in the right direction. Some occult/New Age retail outlets will even organise the occasional open day, with the purpose of socialising and also having items available for purchase. House of Hexenn is one such retail outlet.

The Mind Body Spirit Festival is the most widely known gathering of Wiccan, Pagan, New Age retailers, herbalists, psychics, tarot card readers, health food vendors and natural therapists, among others. View their website here. They also have seminars conducted by prominent figures in the Pagan/New Age community. At past MBS festivals, I have attended seminars by Stacey De Marco (The Modern Witch), tarot reader Paul Fenton-Smith and Rose Inserra, author of Dream Reading Cards: Discover the Purpose of Your Dreams and other books on dreams and dream interpretation, among others.

Security guards are on duty at all times during the MBS Festival, which in itself should act as a deterrent for any unsavoury behaviour, and deal with such behaviour should any problems arise. In my 5 years (2017 is going to be my 6th year) attending the Mind Body Spirit Festival, I have found the MBS festival generally safe, especially since I often go on my own. Ultimately it is up to the discretion of young people and their parents to decide whether to go – Melbourne MBS is at the Melbourne Exhibition Centre, near the Crown Casino, with plenty of cafes and a gelato bar along the Yarra River.

If you’re a young adult who has discovered Wicca, Paganism or other like path, exercise caution, trust your instincts and you will find people in whom you can put your trust. I discovered Wicca at age 14 and was lucky to have trustworthy mentors – and I want the same for you.

6 Features in Game of War: Fire Age that Machine Zone forgot

2016 saw more new research, new buildings, new cores and new set gear, then the introduction of hero level 75 just before the new year. There was something new every 1-2 weeks (and more often than not required in excess of USD $1000 to be maxed again).

With all the new shit that’s rolled in, much of the existing shit has fallen by the wayside. Remember when…

#1. Kill events that run for three consecutive days

3-day kill events were before my time in GoW, and when Kingdom v Kingdom kill events started (usually when a kingdom is around 2-3 months old), they ran for 24 hours. Nowadays, the only place you’ll find a 3-day kill event is in the Kingdom of Fire, and that only opens once a month if you’re lucky. Kingdom v Kingdom kill events now run for 15 hours – Great if you live on the west coast of the United States, but you’re screwed if you live in the UK or Europe (forget about it if you live in Australia, New Zealand, Japan etc). The most action happens in the last few hours of the kill event -One kvk, I just happened to wake at 2am with an hour and a bit to go, and we were able to rally a player with a poor defence setup. Earned the third tier prize as rally leader, and got our alliance the third tier prize – and our master trap account player, cursing me because I scored higher than he did.

The kill events against multiple kingdoms are great, but once upon a time…

#2. Declare War 2.0 KvKs

Go to your wonder and tap on it, then tap on War List . When a Declare War 2.0 kill event was announced, anywhere between 4-6 kingdoms (including your own) would be shortlisted. The current reigning King would select a kingdom from that shortlist to fight against, but that means spending crowns to do so. Other players in the kingdom could vote on which kingdom they would ultimately go toe to to with at the kill event, but the selection ultimately rested with the King. The kingdom to make the declaration of war against their chosen kingdom would then get access to some boosts that would give them the upper hand against their chosen enemy. The kingdoms were selected a day or so in advance of the kill event.

I was still in Ferdi (kingdom 498) when these kill events were in vogue, and we saw Maccabee, kingdom 492, quite frequently when the opportunity arose. (when I saw an old battle report of my very first tile trap in Maccabee, I tapped on the coordinates to discover that they’ve since lost a merge war and absorbed into another kingdom. As to which kingdom, I don’t know yet.)

To date, I haven’t seen a Declare War KvK for at least a year. Maybe longer. Maybe those in the newer protected kingdoms are seeing it, but us old fossils in the ancient kingdoms haven’t seen them in yonks. Speaking of ancient kingdoms…

#3. Merge KvKs

I have made myself a new resident in Kingdom 801, Adlan. I joined an Adlan-based alliance shortly after they became ancient (they became ancient on or about 16 January 2017), then ported there at the beginning of February this year. About a month has passed since Adlan became ancient, and not a single merge kvk in sight. Ferdi got its merge within a week of becoming ancient, as did Kalmarsa (Kingdom 657, lost to Latrell, k659).

Machine Zone even forgot at least two kingdoms when they made the older protected kingdoms ancient – Kingdom 322 (Dion) is still a protected kingdom at 2 years 4 months, and Kingdom 689 (Kisul) is also still a protected kingdom at 2 years old. While MZ are deciding what new things to throw at the players, these two kingdoms are chomping at the bit, sending ticket after ticket begging MZ to make their kingdoms ancient, to a non-responsive Customer Support.

I somehow anticipate a merge kvk happening after this blog post is published. I’ll keep you posted. If you’re in either Dion or Kisul and your kingdom goes ancient after this blog post is published, make a comment below.

And gods, I wish we could buy ancient teleports in the bazaar – oh wait…

#4. The Bazaar

When was the last time the items available to sell in the bazaar was refreshed? It’s the same old shit. And the copper limit boosts? I haven’t seen them in packs in ages. The stuff available to buy in the bazaar hasn’t refreshed either. There’s only so many Great Wave gems and pink fireballs one can sell, only to discover you can’t get turret manuscripts to help complete alliance city turret research, or coat of arms to upgrade the War Council building. We just need to catch a monster in the World Boss dungeon for the hall of monsters…

#5. World Boss Monsters

Just as I got my World Boss research maxed, I looked around the kingdom (which, at the time, was Katara, k354) for a world boss monster. Nada. Zip. Zero. Zilch. I haven’t seen a single world boss monster for at least eight months, but mythics and behemoths abound! Speaking of dungeons…

#6. Wonder Dungeon packs

If you’re like me and you haven’t completed the dungeon mastery research, you’re probably also wondering if the Wonder Dungeon Pack ship has sailed. Apart from the shrapnel of crystal fragments and shards MZ puts in the packs, a pack with enough to get a good chunk of dungeon research done is as rare as hen’s teeth.

Okay Machine Zone, before you introduce your next new brainfart feature, how about giving us more mileage out of  your existing features, mmkay? Fix the lag and the other glitches and problems that are ruining our enjoyment of your game (which have done for the last two or so years). We’re beginning to wonder if NASA will soon be conducting test flights between your ears.